Dear Sir:
This letter is in response to your recent letter
requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent
internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for
an expansion in reference to Block 21(a)(3) of the claim form
(reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put `Stupidity'.
I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will
attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to
my hospitalization.
I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick
bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom,
took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which
I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents
theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling
it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary
force, returned the lid back to its normal position.
Unfortunately, as I did this I also turned and certain
parts of my body, which were still exposed, were trapped between
the device's lid and its main body. Feeling such intense and
immediate pain caused me to jump back. It quickly came to my
attention that, when one's privates are firmly attached to an
unmovable object, it is not a good idea to jump in the opposite
direction.
Upon recovering some of my senses, I attempted to reopen the
lid. However, my slamming of it had been sufficient to allow
the locking mechanism to engage. I then proceeded to get a hold
on my pants and subsequently removed my keys from them. I intended
to try to force the lock of the device open with one of my keys;
thus extracting myself.
Unfortunately, when I attempted this, my key broke in
the lock. Embarrassment of someone seeing me in this unique
position became a minor concern, and I began to call for help
in as much of a calm and rational manner as I could. An employee
from the restaurant quickly arrived and decided that this was
a problem requiring the attention of the store manager.
Betty, the manager, came quickly. She attempted to unlock the
device with her keys. Since I had broken my key off in the device,
she could not get her key in. Seeing no other solution, she
called the EMS (as indicated on your form in block 21(b)(1)).
After approximately 15 minutes, the
EMS arrived, along with two police officers, a fire-rescue squad,
and the channel 4 ``On-the-Spot'' news team. The guys from the
fire department quickly took charge as this was obviously a
rescue operation. The senior member of the team discovered that
the device was attached with bolts to the cement wall that could
only be reached once the device was unlocked. (His discovery
was by means of tearing apart the device located in the stall
next to the one that I was in. (Since the value of the property
destroyed in his examination was less than $50 (my deductible)
I did not include it in my claim.) His partner, who seemed like
an intelligent fellow at the time, came up with the idea of
cutting the device from the wall with the propane torch that
was in the rescue truck.
The fireman went to his truck, retrieved the torch, and
commenced to attempt to cut the device from the wall. Had I
been in a state to think of such things, I might have realized
that in cutting the device from the wall several things would
also inevitably happen. First, the air inside of the device
would quickly heat up, causing items inside the device to suffer
the same effects that are normally achieved by placing things
in an oven. Second, the metal in the device is a good conductor
of heat causing items that are in contact with the device to
react as if thrown into a hot skillet. And, third, molten metal
would shower the inside of the device as the torch cut through.
The one bright note of the propane torch was that it did manage
to cut, in the brief time that I allowed them to use it, a hole
big enough for a small pry bar to be placed inside of the device.
The EMS team then loaded me, along with the device, into the
waiting ambulance as stated on your form.
Due the small area of your block 21(a)(3), I was unable
to give a full explanation of these events, and thus used the
word which I thought best described my actions that led to my
hospitalization.
